i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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