Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
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This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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