whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
