last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
