4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
