im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
