I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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