She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
