I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
