There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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