Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
