I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
