I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
