piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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