While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
