Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
