Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
