I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
