I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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