Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
