No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
