How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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