She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
