what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
