I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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