Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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