it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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