I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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