Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
