I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
