can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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