I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I checked into jail on foursquare
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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