and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Randomize
