I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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