Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
