You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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