No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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