Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
