opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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