Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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