it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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