24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
