There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
