I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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