Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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