dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Damn victory sex feels great
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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