she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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