Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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