At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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