I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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