Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
