never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
