you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
