I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
