if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
