I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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