chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
