last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
