This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
