Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
