I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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